Kids, Sex, and Real Respect

My son, who is 16, and I were talking about sex today. It started off as a talk about safe sex, but soon veered off into a discussion of how to please a girl/woman. I explained that he needs to make sure that he takes the time to kiss and touch her a lot. He said that he already does that. He said that he is romantic and loves doing things like kissing a girl’s neck. I told him that he must get that from me because I am very romantic.

The conversation moved onto oral sex, which he says he’s never had, but had given. I told him that I was glad to hear that (well, the part about him pleasing a girl orally). I told him that it is sort of my specialty (at least to the degree that I love doing that more than just about any other single act). He immediately smiled, gave me a hi-5 and and said, “I guess we really are a lot alike”.

He’s almost 17 and I find it wonderful that we can have a serious, adult conversation about these things. I’m so happy to see that his focus as far as sex going seems to be at as much on pleasing his partner as it is on his own pleasure. The really interesting things is that is exactly what I was like when I was his age. For me, pleasing the girl was the central theme of all my fantasies and still is to this day.

I feel like I’ve had some success as a parent because I’ve instilled in him a respect for women, a real honest concern for the girls in his life (they change fairly often, as teens are want to do). I’ve seen him with his girl friends and he is always complementing them, praising them, holding their hand or putting his arm around them. It is very tender and very sweet. Sure, he gets into trouble a lot and we are working on those things, but at least I know he isn’t growing up to become one of those guys who feel like they own the women in their lives and seek to control them.


6 Responses to “Kids, Sex, and Real Respect”

  1. 1 Brick Window March 25, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Well, I have to say I am blown away by this post. Honestly, I didn’t know there were more than one or two guys like this in the entire world. I am so conditioned to thinking all men care about is, as I have said, Pump-Pump-Squirt.

    How great is it that you two can share your stories about such a sensitive subject?! As a mother or daughters, I feel a little less cynical today. Thanks!

    • 2 Jay Walker March 25, 2011 at 10:30 pm

      I love the Pump-Pump-Squirt.

      To me, sex isn’t worth having without me doing all I can to please my partner. If it is just Pump-Pump-Squirt that I’m after, I can do that myself. It is the joy and pleasure of hearing and seeing and feeling her reactions; it is when you both are pleasing each other, totally absorbed with each other. It sound cliche, but becoming one with each other. Prosey and I had a conversation where we talked about the power of mutually shared orgasms. I termed it a conscious shattering moment. It can, and does happen. I know since I’ve been lucky enough to experience it on multiple occasions early in my first marriage. I have never felt closer to another person as during and after those.

      That is part of the reason the way the relationship ended shattered my world. When you have totally surrendered yourself to another in mind, body, and soul it is such a profound experience. To be betrayed by that person, well, the feeling are beyond explanation. Over 5 years later and I’m still very fragile emotionally where love is concerned. But this is another story for a different blog post.

  2. 3 prosey March 25, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    I’m glad you opened this blog. I’ve added it to my blogroll. 🙂

    • 4 Jay Walker March 25, 2011 at 11:45 pm

      After all the different conversations we have had about all of these topics, I figured that I needed a place to collect what came out of them. Plus, I really could use advice on all of this so it is hopefully a want to get discussions goings that might be helpful. 🙂 These are things that are very important to me and that I’ve wanted to write about, but most of that writing has been in comments and conversations that you, me and a couple of others have had. I’ve posted a lot of stuff on these topics on DA, but a lot of people aren’t on DA, so I wanted something accessible to everyone.

  3. 5 ssevrie March 26, 2011 at 12:35 am

    Wow was suprised to see how open you were in the blog and your conversation, i guess because im the motehr of 2 little girls 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 and I dont want to think about the sex talk I think this is going to be an interesting blog because like most after having 2 kids and at 14 months apart our sex life has changed dramatically… We occasionally have before sex …the kind that blows you where youarent listening for the pitter pater of feet or knowing that just as you get into it someone is going to cry out..and not i loko forward to more topics!

    • 6 Jay Walker March 26, 2011 at 12:45 am

      I’m a firm believer that openness and honesty about sex is key to a successful relationship. I learned the hard way how not being open and honest can destroy a relationship as it certainly was a big factor in both my failed marriages.

      Kids are a huge strain on a relationship. You have to make time for the two of you, somehow and someway. I’ve known couples who hired a babysitter and went to a hotel. Do whatever you can to keep that going. Intimacy is so important and so easy to lose, often without you even realizing it until it is too late.

      My first wife and I were lucky to have a lock on our bedroom door (which I highly recommend!) and we’d put on a video or DVD to keep them occupied for 30 minutes or more if we were lucky. The shower is also a good place too. When they would knock on the door, we would just tell them we were taking a shower and would be out in a few minutes. As long as they aren’t screaming in pain or terror and your place in baby-proofed, just keep going. It was also good for a laugh, which is a very important and overlooked part of healthy sex.

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