My son, who is 16, and I were talking about sex today. It started off as a talk about safe sex, but soon veered off into a discussion of how to please a girl/woman. I explained that he needs to make sure that he takes the time to kiss and touch her a lot. He said that he already does that. He said that he is romantic and loves doing things like kissing a girl’s neck. I told him that he must get that from me because I am very romantic.
The conversation moved onto oral sex, which he says he’s never had, but had given. I told him that I was glad to hear that (well, the part about him pleasing a girl orally). I told him that it is sort of my specialty (at least to the degree that I love doing that more than just about any other single act). He immediately smiled, gave me a hi-5 and and said, “I guess we really are a lot alike”.
He’s almost 17 and I find it wonderful that we can have a serious, adult conversation about these things. I’m so happy to see that his focus as far as sex going seems to be at as much on pleasing his partner as it is on his own pleasure. The really interesting things is that is exactly what I was like when I was his age. For me, pleasing the girl was the central theme of all my fantasies and still is to this day.
I feel like I’ve had some success as a parent because I’ve instilled in him a respect for women, a real honest concern for the girls in his life (they change fairly often, as teens are want to do). I’ve seen him with his girl friends and he is always complementing them, praising them, holding their hand or putting his arm around them. It is very tender and very sweet. Sure, he gets into trouble a lot and we are working on those things, but at least I know he isn’t growing up to become one of those guys who feel like they own the women in their lives and seek to control them.