Strange Emotions

I don’t understand how I can be happy and sad at the same time. It is such a strange feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before. I feel so happy because so many good things have been happening in my life lately. I have so much to be thankful for; my kids, my job, my friends; my ability to write; and love, lots and lots of love from the most amazing, beautiful people. Their love is so beautiful that it leaves me speechless; breathless. Still, there is this sadness, like a deep, dull aching. I don’t understand what that is or why I feel it. It is like this desperate need to hold on tight to someone for hours; to feel their warmth; their breath against my cheek; their head on my shoulder; their arms holding me tight. Where does that come from? It is such a weird mix of feelings.


3 Responses to “Strange Emotions”

  1. 1 Laura April 21, 2011 at 10:41 pm

    It is a human need to feel conflict, then have that tender beautiful resolution. If you can find it, hold on to it… we all need someone who we can turn to ‘kiss it better’ there is no other better feeling in the world! I wish I could be there to comfort you when you are hurt… would make me happy to be a friend there when you need it. 🙂 I love ya Jay!

  2. 2 Brick Window April 25, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    I think, if I can be so presumptuous to say, that you are feeling wonderful *in spite of* the negative things that have happened to you. I think your happiness comes to you and you know it had a price, and you feel that price (or more are aware of it) in the midst of joy. I think you want to remember how far you’ve come and the pain reminds you. I think this life is bittersweet. No delusion about it.

    I also think how you are feeling is healthy.

    • 3 Jay Walker April 25, 2011 at 12:08 pm

      Having put a little distance between when I wrote this and now, I do agree with you. I think that this is probably exactly what was going on.

      I’m feeling better as time goes on. It’s just a matter of integrating all of this into my psyche. 🙂

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