My Divorce Story

I talk a lot here about my first divorce, or at least the fall out from it.  I thought it would be a good idea to give you the whole story so you might have a better understanding of what happened and why it was so traumatic for me.  This is also posted to my personal web page.

It’s a sad, strange story and, if I hadn’t happened to me, I’d never believe it.

If I have learned anything from my marriage, it is that I let my wife control me with guilt.  For the two years before we split, she had held the implicit threat of divorce over my head, made me feel like everything wrong in our marriage was my fault.  She used my guilt over what she supposedly sacrificed for me to manipulate me so that get into a relationship with this man.

First it was on line, they met on this site we all belong to, I think I’ve sent you the url before, www.deviantart.com.  His ex-wife (his wife at the time all this happened) also is a member, for a while, we were all buddies, commenting on each other’s work and such.  Then, after a while, his ex-wife, Jan, started accusing him, Kevin, and my wife, Holly of having a cyber affair.  Holly told me that she was nuts, that she had a history of mental illness.  She assured me that they were just friends.

I accepted that, because I had also made a good friend on that site, a woman from New Zealand.   We were just friends.  I never hid it from Holly.
 I was open about it and told her that if it bother her that I talked to this woman, I’d stop and never talk to her again.  Holly assured me that she wasn’t jealous.

So, the stage was set.  Holly told me she wanted to fly to Nebraska and visit a friend she knew there.  That she had been stuck raising the kids for the past 9 years and deserved it.  She said that she also deserved my trust.  So I let her go.  I even took vacation time so I could take care of the kids.

Well, she called from Nebraska and said that it was really nice here and that the cost of living was better.  Her family was also giving us a really hard time, and I was feeling trapped at my job so it seemed like a good idea.   I found a good job here in Nebraska and we moved.  I don’t regret that, I love it here, the kids love it here.

Anyway, after we moved, this friend of Holly’s, who’s name is Kevin, would stop by  about once a week.  He’d come over to visit.  He seemed like a really nice guy.   It was could tell that they were attracted to each other, but I was trying hard to work on our marriage and hoped that we could work things out.  At the most, I expected him to divorce his so-called crazy wife and then figured Holly would ask for a divorce.  I was ready for that.  I could have dealt with that.

What I found was betrayal, manipulation and lies, all to satisfied their wants at the expense of everyone else.   I still don’t believe it, but I know it’s true because I have proof.  Pictures, videos, blogs, messages. Holly told me that she has come clean, that there was nothing else she was hiding, but I keep finding more, I keep catching her in more lies.

I finally met Jan, his ex-wide.  She’s not crazy, she bitter and hurt by 17 years with an unfaithful husband.  She filed for divorce a few years ago, but withdrew it because he promised to get therapy for a sex addiction.

Well, it turns out that the nights he was supposed to be going to therapy, he was visiting us.  It wasn’t long before Holly began asking me to take the kids to the movies and swimming while he visited.  I still thought his wife was nuts and so I figured he needed some time with a good friend. Well, it turns out that the were having sex in my apartment while I was with the kids.  Not only that, they were broadcasting it over our web cam.

I didn’t think it could get any worse, but it did, and in a way that I could never, ever have imagined.    Jan found CD’s that Kevin had hidden in their garage.  One of them has pictured of Holly having sex with another couple.  Another had a video of Holly having sex with our dog!!!.  Jan turned the video of Holly with our dog over to the police. They came to the house, took our computer and cited her for Lewd Behavior with an Animal. She ended up pleading guilty and got a fine.

So, you can see why I now have custody of the kids.  She has serious problems.  She sees them once or twice a week, but not nearly as much as she could if she really wanted to.  It’s probably better for the kids in the long run, although it is very hard on them.

I was stupid and blind.  Maybe I just didn’t want to let myself believe what I feared was true.

Well, anyway, that’s the story of my divorce.  

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10 Responses to “My Divorce Story”


  1. 1 prosey April 27, 2011 at 11:09 am

    I’ll share Prosepetals Story Hour here, too…*nod* There are layered nuances to this story, which became personal to me (unexpectedly) for many different reasons. *hug*

  2. 4 Jay Walker April 27, 2011 at 11:28 am

    This is all true, of course. It is amazing how much damage two selfish people can cause.

    I wouldn’t trade you of Jan for the world! It made all the shit I went through worth it. *hug*

  3. 6 Brick Window April 27, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    Oh dear. I read this, and Prosey’s too. Connects a few dots for me, but I wish it hadn’t…

    Oh Jay. I am so sorry. This is terrible, and you do not deserve it, not at all.

    You have every right to be bitter, angry, unhappy and any other negative emotion you want to own. For as long as you like.

    (Pros–you are a good friend to him, I see.)

  4. 9 Jan April 29, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    *hug* I just read this Jay and then went and read Prose’s. Wow…talk about old memories but yeah, remember them all. Just remember how much better off we both are even though at times it really doesn’t feel/seem that way.

    We are both survivors…we continue to pick up the pieces and move on and we will continue to do so. It’s part of what makes us who we are and that really is a good thing although at times it may not feel that way.

    Hang in there!! *hug*


  1. 1 Parenting, Relationships, Love, and Sex. Trackback on April 27, 2011 at 10:53 am

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