True Fiction

I don’t usually post poems as blog entries, but I thought this would fit here since it explores my feelings of being unwanted and undesirable. It all ties back into my sense of unworthiness. This poem is fictional in it’s details, but is based on several events with two different women that really happened. Needless to say, they were sort of ego killers. It’s been five years for since one of the events and six months since the other. I haven’t had much luck with women, as those who regularly read this know. I haven’t mentioned these events before because, compared to my two marriages, they are pretty minor. Still, they just add to the sense of undesirability and unworthiness I feel in general. My therapist said that I deal with things by writing about them. She’s right. Anyway, here’s the poem.

You told me you wanted me
As you took me in your arms.
Your hands undressing me,
Your lips kissing me all over
As you caressed and
Prepared me for your pleasure.
As you moved above me,
Grinding yourself to climax,
It was as if I wasn’t there,
Except what was inside you.
You rolled over and
Begrudged me my pleasure,
And then you rose,
Washed and dressed, then left,
Never even kissing me goodbye.
When I finally got in touch,
After so many unanswered calls,
You said that you were drunk,
That, although I was kind,
The wine made me more
Desirable than I really was.
You said it was a mistake,
That you were sure there was
Some woman who might want me,
Maybe.
“Don’t call me anymore”
Why would I want to,
When all I was to you
Was an organ to ride?
Thanks for reminding me
What I always try to forget.
This is why I never go out.
It’s better to be lonely
Than used and discarded.
When will I ever learn.

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2 Responses to “True Fiction”


  1. 1 Brick Window May 9, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    😦
    I’m sorry this happened, Jay. It seems like something that would happen to a woman. You are really helping me bust out of my stereotypes.

    • 2 Jay Walker May 9, 2011 at 12:57 pm

      I’m glad I’m helping bust those stereotypes. I think there is a very good reason I identify with women more than men, and that all my best friends are woman. They understand what I’ve been though. Most guys just can’t relate.


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