Narcissism in Action

I’ve written here before about my kids’ mother and how she neglects our son.  Well she has sunk to a new low.  I’ve mentioned before that my son has Aspergers, ADHA, and mood disorder.  He has been having a really tough time over the past few months.  I won’t go into details except to say that we have faced several major crisises lately.  This past weekend we were dealt with the most serious crisis to date.

My son asked if he could stay with his mom for a few days, to clear his head and get out of the environment that he felt trapped in.  His sister is at the end of her rope with all the stress and turmoil and also desperately wanted her brother out of the house for a few days.

I’d asked this of their mom once before, under similar circumstances and was told that she didn’t have the room.  I said that he wouldn’t mind sleeping on the couch.  She said that the cats would bother him.  I told her that he didn’t mind the cats.  She then said that we had an understanding that the kids didn’t sleep over at her place.  She went on about how she never had the space or resources to keep them overnight since she was having to pay out so much in child support.

I called their mom and asked if she could take him for a few days, impressing on her the seriousness of the situation and how our kids were both desperate for this, that our family was in crisis.  She spouted off the same excuses that she’d made before.  I told her that she needed to step up to the plate and make some sacrifices for the good of her children. She got angry with me and told me that I’d made my choice years ago to keep the kids and that, basically, I’d just have to deal with it.  At this point I was so upset that I handed the phone back to my daughter.

Their mom said that she’d come a pick up our son and keep him for a few hours.  An hour later, he was back home.  Shortly after that, she posted the following on her Facebook page.  Now, I don’t follow her on Facebook.  I’d never, ever want her on my friends list, but my daughter had been using my fiancee’s laptop to check her Facebook page and after getting the laptop back saw the following posts by the kids’ mom.

I refuse to be manipulated or made to feel guilty. If you try to do this….you will lose. I don’t care who you are. I am not stupid. Shame on you for trying.

  • Comments
    • Patty Kuehn Yikes what happen Holly? U r like a panther with a cub….beautiful and full of life but u will not be crossed!

      Saturday at 10:17pm · Like
    • Holly Ferguson thanks Patty…my ex pushed me too far and now he will realize his mistake. You always make me feel better 🙂
    • Holly Ferguson lol…I can’t wait!!! lololol Can we make him a code 20 🙂

      Saturday at 10:33pm · Like
    • Patty Kuehn Yep….that’s funny…code 20….hahahahaha

      Saturday at 10:50pm · Like
    • Jake Raterman holly just tell me the plan and il help in any way possible….

      Yesterday at 12:04am · Like

Mind you, she is on both our kids’ friends list so that they can see all of her status updates.  My daughter saw it and was incensed and told her mom that she needed to stop acting like a 2nd grader.  As for me, I could care less what she says about me, but when she does things like this to get my kids upset, especially when she knows they are already under tremendous stress, I get royally pissed off.  There is no point in trying to talk to her about it, she will just throw another hissy fit.

This, once again, is a prime example of narcissism in action.  It is all about her.  Her needs and desires come before anyone else’s, including her children’s.  Everything becomes about her trying to make herself look good or feel good about herself.  This means that she is incapable of admitting faults or accepting any responsibility whatsoever for the consequences of her actions.

I knew from the the time that she left that someday my kids would learn the hard way just what kind of person their mother is.  Even though I’ve known this would play out just like it has, it still breaks my heart to see the pain and anguish she has visited upon them with her petty selfishness.

1 Response to “Narcissism in Action”

  1. 1 prosey August 16, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Negotiating with a narcissist is an exercise in futility. I told you about the “gunshot wound/papercut” syndrome, I think…did I (can’t remember if I did or didn’t). There is a reason that I do not and will not involve my kids with certain people in my family. If the kids open the door for themselves, that is one thing (because they DO have to learn)…but I won’t open the door for them.

    In your situation, your son made the choice, of course…and through your daughter, you got the displeasure of seeing the papercut. All that matters is your kids’ state of well-being. I admire your strength, Jay. You…and your kids…will get through this. *hug*

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