Posts Tagged 'sex'

Sensual Delights

Sensual: relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite. [merriam-webster.com]

When you hear the word “sensual”, you probably think of sex, and well you should; sex is one of the most intense, intimate, and pleasurable activities our senses can experience. There is, however, another very valid and important aspect of sensuality that relates to the word “appetite”, and that is food.

Sex and food are often intertwined, and for good reason. They are both, in their own ways, very powerful experiences of our senses. Food consist of more than just taste; there is smell, texture, and the feeling of being satiated after eating.

I’ve discovered lately, from very person experience, just how powerful a combination food and sex can be. Lorraine and I are both good cooks. We have been making wonderful food together, just as we have been making wonderful love together. We’ve found that the act of preparing, cooking, and eating delicious food together heightens our physical desire for each other. Maybe it is the orgasmic sounds we make while enjoying a delicious meal; I’m sure some of it is that we are physically close in the kitchen while preparing and cooking. Still, even when we have gone out to a good restaurant to eat, our desire for each other grows with each bite of food we share.

This experience works in reverse as well. After intense, delicious sex, we find ourselves hungry for food. Our favorites? Caesar salad if it is before bedtime, BLTs the rest of the time. I can tell you that the rush we get from our lovemaking only increases the pleasure of our after-sex snack.

Sensuality of one kind feeds on that of the other. Good food shared stokes our physical desire for each other and the physical pleasure shared from that desire creates hunger, which leads to more physical desire. It is a beautiful combination. Now, let’s just hope that we burn enough calories in the one endeavor to offset the calories consumed in the other.

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True Fiction

I don’t usually post poems as blog entries, but I thought this would fit here since it explores my feelings of being unwanted and undesirable. It all ties back into my sense of unworthiness. This poem is fictional in it’s details, but is based on several events with two different women that really happened. Needless to say, they were sort of ego killers. It’s been five years for since one of the events and six months since the other. I haven’t had much luck with women, as those who regularly read this know. I haven’t mentioned these events before because, compared to my two marriages, they are pretty minor. Still, they just add to the sense of undesirability and unworthiness I feel in general. My therapist said that I deal with things by writing about them. She’s right. Anyway, here’s the poem.

You told me you wanted me
As you took me in your arms.
Your hands undressing me,
Your lips kissing me all over
As you caressed and
Prepared me for your pleasure.
As you moved above me,
Grinding yourself to climax,
It was as if I wasn’t there,
Except what was inside you.
You rolled over and
Begrudged me my pleasure,
And then you rose,
Washed and dressed, then left,
Never even kissing me goodbye.
When I finally got in touch,
After so many unanswered calls,
You said that you were drunk,
That, although I was kind,
The wine made me more
Desirable than I really was.
You said it was a mistake,
That you were sure there was
Some woman who might want me,
Maybe.
“Don’t call me anymore”
Why would I want to,
When all I was to you
Was an organ to ride?
Thanks for reminding me
What I always try to forget.
This is why I never go out.
It’s better to be lonely
Than used and discarded.
When will I ever learn.

Pornography – What Turns You On?

I’ve been wanting to do a post about pornography for a while now, but I just haven’t had the time. This is a subject that I really haven’t had many discussions about with others, especially my female friends. I am a firm believer that women have as much of a right as men to enjoy pornography if they wish.

One of the blogs I follow is Our Porn, Ourselves that has the tagline, “Women like to watch porn. Deal with it.” In their Origins section of the blog, they have the following to say:

For women who are pro-porn and all those who support us. WE are the answer to anti-porn feminists. All genders welcome.

A little further down we find:

We women are tired of people trying to control our sexuality by telling us what we should or shouldn’t like sexually (porn) based on what someone else thinks is best for us. It’s like keeping women in a perpetual state of being children about sex. And women who say they are feminists make it worse by discounting all the women who find porn to be an empowering sex toy. Or if not, to at least give us the benefit of the doubt that we can make that decision for ourselves, thank you very much.

Bravo!

I’m not about to go into the different types of porn. That isn’t what I want to talk about. This is about what kind(s) of porn turn us on. Since I can only speak to my preference, this is what I shall do. I hope that this will spawn a discussion where others will share what kind of porn turns them on and why.

My brand of porn is pretty specific. To sum it up in just a few words: women having orgasms. There are few things that I find more sexually exciting and stimulating than seeing a woman (or women if the case may be) having an orgasm. The reason is simple; it goes straight to what turns me on when I am with a partner(s), and to the very core of my approach to sex and relationships; giving pleasure.

Even when I was a teen, first discovering my sexuality and my body, my fantasies always included me pleasing (read “making her cum”) whoever it was that I was fantasizing about. For me, in both my fantasies and in my relationships, the sexual experience was not complete unless I had pleased my partner at least once. Of course, I always encourage and work toward multiple orgasms for all. Basically, I need to make sure that she is pleased. If I cum before her, that is never the end of things, but the beginning of more pleasure for her and, hopefully, both of us.

This is easily accomplished in my fantasies. In reality it takes work, but oh what fun that work is! Now, enough of my background; onto the porn!

I have two favorite sites that I have paid to download videos from in the past; Beautiful Agony and I Feel Myself.

Beautiful Agony (BA) features self-made videos of both women and men having orgasms. They are only allowed to shoot themselves from the shoulders up; no nudity allowed. This allows the focus to remain on the person and their pleasure. Most of the subjects please themselves, but there are some where there is obviously an unseen partner involved. The site also includes self-interviews with some of the people who choose to discuss their sexual lives and experiences, or just describe what they experienced during the making of their orgasm video.

I Feel Myself (IFM) doesn’t have the no nudity rule. Full body shots are the norm as is nudity (but some choose not to be nude). These videos are professionally shot and produced. The lighting and multiple camera angles attest to this. I haven’t researched their filming methods, but I believe that they probably set up the lighting and cameras, make sure things look good from all angles, start the cameras, and leave the room. I would think they would have to since I’m sure many people would be too self-conscious with a film crew in the room while they are doing their thing.

Another difference between IFM and BA is that on IFM the focus is exclusively on female subjects. This doesn’t mean that men don’t make an appearance, they do occasionally, but they are not the focus of the videos; their partner’s pleasure is. There are many more videos there that have female partners, often multiple partners. In these cases, the focus in often, but not always, on showing the mutual pleasure of all involved.

I believe that the people who created IFM were somehow involved with BA because many of the subjects on IFM were originally seen on BA. It just may be that the producers of IFM reached out to the subjects from BA, or that the subjects from BA found themselves drawn toward IFM. The truth is probably a combination of all three.

These are both pay sites. I’ve had memberships in the past and during that time downloaded a fair amount of videos that I still watch.

I want to explain how I view the differences between the videos from both sites and why I may choose one over another depending on my mood.

IFM is much more direct. We see kisses and caresses. We see fingers and tongues on clitorises. We see fingers inside vaginas. We see and hear every sound, every body movement, every facial expression, every convulsion and contraction. When I am in the mood not to have to use too much of my imagination, either because I’m tired or too lazy, this is where I turn for my porn.

When I want to use my imagination a lot and still get the visual stimulation of porn, BA is my choice. One fascinating thing about watching a BA video, is the sound.

I think most of us don’t really think much about the sounds that exist during our sexual encounters, but if we stopped to think about it, we’d realize that the sounds are just as arousing as the tactile stimuli of touching, kissing, licking and penetration. Watching a BA video brings this part of our sexuality home.

I’ve come to consciously appreciate the sounds of sex. Not just the moans and grunts and cries, but the wet, frantic sounds of rubbing, and fingering. There are the sounds of vibrators, the squeaking of beds, the slurping of a partner giving oral pleasure. I am at the point that in my own self-pleasing, that imagining the sounds of sex is as important as imagining the tactile sensations.

There are a few other sources of porn that I occasionally seek out. One is self-made porn. You know, the grainy, shot-from-their-webcam, kind. Another one is Cytherea, otherwise know as squirt woman. This is the only professionally made porn (as in the LA porn profession) that I frequent. The last one is very new to me and it is a Japanese series call Clitoris Climax. The thing they all have in common, of course, is women having orgasms.

The self-made porn is pretty straight forward. It is women in their own homes having orgasms through just about any means you can; masturbation or with a partner; manually, orally, and intercourse. I prefer the ones with partners because, well, it is what I’d want to be doing with someone if I could.

Cytherea is part of the genre of female ejaculation. Originally, I thought it had to be fake. No one could squat that much, that often. Although, if you watch the videos it becomes clear that this woman is for real. The convulsions, shudders, sounds, and facial expressions just ring true. Either that, or she is the greatest actress who has ever lived! I’ve had partners who ejaculate when they orgasm and I know what it looks and feels like. Cytherea is just a very extreme example of this.

What I love about her videos is not the squirting. It is the focus on the women’s pleasure. There are always other women in the videos besides her. In every one I’ve seen, it is the women’s orgasms that are central to the videos. Yes, there are men in them and the men have orgasms, but their orgasms are not glorified, as if that is what sex is all about. When the men cum, it is often inside the woman. Ok, there are some cum shots but somehow they are edited in such a way as to keep the focus on the woman because we see something very real and honest here; when the man cums it is adding to the woman’s pleasure.

Finally, there is the Japanese Clitoris Climax videos. In these videos, we are introduced to one woman. The entire video is focused on stimulating her clitoris in many different ways; orally, manually, vibrators on her clit, her vulva, in her vagina, clamp, feathers, and an odd assortment of other objects. I think these videos probably fall into BDSM because the main purpose seems to be, not just to make a woman climax, but to push her way, way past that point. Which causes her to instinctively curl up into a ball because she is so overstimulated from the orgasm. So far, I think I find these videos more fascinating than arousing.

Porn can be fun and helpful at times. Sometimes it gets us in the mood, other times it gets us over the edge when we need that extra little boost.

So there it is; that is my porn. Tell me about yours.

Kids, Sex, and Real Respect

My son, who is 16, and I were talking about sex today. It started off as a talk about safe sex, but soon veered off into a discussion of how to please a girl/woman. I explained that he needs to make sure that he takes the time to kiss and touch her a lot. He said that he already does that. He said that he is romantic and loves doing things like kissing a girl’s neck. I told him that he must get that from me because I am very romantic.

The conversation moved onto oral sex, which he says he’s never had, but had given. I told him that I was glad to hear that (well, the part about him pleasing a girl orally). I told him that it is sort of my specialty (at least to the degree that I love doing that more than just about any other single act). He immediately smiled, gave me a hi-5 and and said, “I guess we really are a lot alike”.

He’s almost 17 and I find it wonderful that we can have a serious, adult conversation about these things. I’m so happy to see that his focus as far as sex going seems to be at as much on pleasing his partner as it is on his own pleasure. The really interesting things is that is exactly what I was like when I was his age. For me, pleasing the girl was the central theme of all my fantasies and still is to this day.

I feel like I’ve had some success as a parent because I’ve instilled in him a respect for women, a real honest concern for the girls in his life (they change fairly often, as teens are want to do). I’ve seen him with his girl friends and he is always complementing them, praising them, holding their hand or putting his arm around them. It is very tender and very sweet. Sure, he gets into trouble a lot and we are working on those things, but at least I know he isn’t growing up to become one of those guys who feel like they own the women in their lives and seek to control them.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog! This blog is about parenting, relationships, love, trust, and sex. Let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I am twice divorced (ok, the second one is still in process), father of a 13 year old girl and 16 year old boy.

I have been having many wonderful conversations with friends and fellow bloggers about parenting, sex, relationships, sex, love, sex, trust, and sex.  I won’t try to focus on any one area or topic (except sex because, well, it’s sex!).

Seriously, I feel like I need an outlet for these issues and a place where helpful and fun discussions can take place.
So if you are a parent, in or have been in a relationship, have or are in love, and really, really like sex, this is the place to share your thoughts and experiences.